Frugal Intuition

Well, I’m back from my trip.  I had intended to continue posting on inexpensive Christmas ideas, but that’s not really what’s on my mind tonight.  I’m thinking of debt–as I am usually thinking of debt and all its costs.  You see, you lose so much more than money and interest with debt, particularly in a marriage or relationship in which one party is responsible for the accrual of debt and one has to pay the price.  And pay.  And pay.  The debtor makes promises to change his/her behavior.  And maybe they do for a while.  It becomes easy to slip into trust again because it is natural to want to trust the ones we love.  But that same atmosphere of trust makes it easy to be blind.  Over the years, this has happened a number of times to me.  I love my husband and I want to trust him.  And not only is it an issue of trust, it’s a matter of really, truly not being able to understand the mindset that leads to that kind of debt.  Student debt, mortgages, car loans–these I understand.  Not the rest.  And that’s where debt can become every bit as corrosive and dangerous and hurtful as other addictions like alcoholism or drug use.

Even if the offending party does make the necessary changes–does, truly and honestly stop that behavior, it’s so so hard to deal with.  You may reach a point where trust is built again–only to have it shatter each month when the bills arrive and they aren’t shrinking at a reasonable rate.  I know it makes me want to vomit each time one of the “stupid debt” bills comes in the mail.  Bills with interest rates up to 30%.  Where so little of the payment you can afford actually goes toward paying down the principle. For someone like me, who finds the whole situation so abhorrant, my heart breaks again every month.  It’s exhausting.

To those of you in my shoes, I want you to know, you’re not alone.  There are always others out there in your shoes.  If you need someone to talk to about the strain, you talk to a friend, a pastor.  You can email me.  Support is always there if you need it.

To those of you in the debtor’s shoes, I just want you to think about what effect your behavior has on your loved ones.  And think about what it may cost you other than enormous amounts of interest.  It just might cost you your relationship.

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